Can Purell be used as lube?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize