We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
