my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
