I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
