$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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