I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Screwed.edu
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
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