I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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