Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
