you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
