even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
