U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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