im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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