her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We're too hungover to prance.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
