So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize