She is in my trunk
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
