They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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