My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
