i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
