I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
