Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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