You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize