thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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