she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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