it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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