at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
