sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize