tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
