why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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