Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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