Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
