you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
