He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
