This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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