He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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