i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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