Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
