So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize