maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
