I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
