So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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