Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
