I met the friendliest cop last night
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
