I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
