I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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