people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Randomize
