I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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