She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
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