I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
