just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
