I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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