I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
