okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
