I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
my poor anus
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
