Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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