I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
