Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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