my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
