i jhust puked up my retainher.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
