I only kidnapped one of them. chill
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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