Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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