Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
