I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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