so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
