I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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