yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize