I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize