Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
