you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
