so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
