Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
