I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
