What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
