idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize