no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
3 2 1 whiskey
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
