That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
