You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
