She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
