Umm I'm too high to move.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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