Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
