girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
