i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
