PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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