Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
