Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I believe in your delicious
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
