My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
