I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
