I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
