I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
