proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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