I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
