Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
