I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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