My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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