At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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