Having a random hookup so left but love u
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
