Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
