Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
