I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
