Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
