mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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