i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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