I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
