I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
