If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
