I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
