Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she was so not down for the gang bang
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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