people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
