I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
