What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
In America we eat man semen.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize