oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
