you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
